leo burghaus

I have not figured this out, and I have no clue where I’m going with this. Like many, I’ve spent some time of my life thinking about what my purpose is. We’re told we all have one, and there is no shortage of people offering to help us find it.

Over the course of the last years, I’ve come to different conclusions. One, that my purpose depends on who’s looking. It is different seen from my parents’ perspective, from humanity’s perspective, my girlfriend’s perspective, or my own internal voice.

For example, my parents might see my purpose as something that gives their life meaning, or to make them happy/proud, or as something to continue their legacy (I’m sorry, Mum and Dad, these are just examples -I know that’s not how you view me). From the perspective of humanity, my purpose would be to drive our species forward: create offspring, enable other members to thrive, do good myself, don’t do harm, etc. For my partner, my purpose might be to provide security, or to build a home where she can be herself, or to help her have offspring (again, if she reads this she will be cringing – these are just examples of how people might view the topic).

But to be fair, when people speak about “finding your purpose,” I assume that it is spoken from the perspective of the self; finding a purpose for yourself, independent of how others see you. From that view, what one usually hears is related to mastering a craft or a career, helping people in one way or another, creating a family or close social ties, personal growth (aka becoming the best version of myself), exploring life and the planet during the time we have here. The exact combination and manifestation of choices in people are always different, but they follow the same broad categories.

But why are we then talking so much about finding “our own purpose,” (1) as if it were an alienated activity, (2) as if there were just one?

We seem to all have very similar deep desires. The tastes differ, a lot, but at the core what most of us seem to strive for is deep connection, self-respect, something we become very good at, inner peace, exploration… I think framing it as one purpose everyone has to find for themselves simplifies the concept, but makes it more difficult to figure out. It pressures us to find a single, unique thing that justifies our existence. In reality, we have a pretty good idea of what it could be; we just need to understand how we can configure it in a way that respects our tastes, ambitions, and possibilities.

So I think it is important to note that the process is alienated in the sense that there is a process of self-reflection that has to happen. But it is not alienated because we’re more similar than we’d care to admit, and because most of the purposes will be in areas where meaningful collaboration will be necessary. And the exploration of what type of collaboration fills oneself can never be done by oneself exclusively.

I also have come to question the idea of having just one purpose in life. One is so restrictive. There are many things one can find purpose in, and it is possible to combine them. People find purpose in careers, in families, in living life, in creating, in just being present.

What if, instead, we were told that there are many different things that, added up, make for a more complete experience on earth? That there are things we all strive for, and our job is to figure out in what way we want to satisfy that need. That we all strive for connection, but that it is our job to figure out if that is going to be by finding a life-long partner, by having friends, by creating communities, by having animals, by having children, all of them together… whatever fits you. In the same way, we all want to feel useful: either by creating art, by entertaining, by working in the corporate world, by using your intellect, by being of service to the community, by doing science, etc. We all want to explore, but some people want to explore via taste, some via traveling, some by reading, some by using mind-altering drugs to surf the unconscious…

I think if we frame the topic of purpose differently, we might see that it is easier for most people to find it, or something. Because the truth is, purpose is more about adapting life to your taste than about being on a constant quest for enlightenment.